The Milan News-Leader
A Heritage Newspaper
Weekly Publication
Changing lives can be an inspiration
PUBLISHED: February 21, 2008
I have a brother who has battled alcoholism for at least a decade. I have a cousin who has battled obesity since childhood.
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At times when I grow weary and discouraged about trying to affect change in my life, I have recently taken to thinking of them.
I call to mind this past Christmas when my brother and cousin gathered with the rest of the family at my parents' home.
My brother had not touched a drink in just over a year. My cousin had only the month before undergone restrictive bariatric bypass surgery to reduce the size of his stomach.
I was struck at the time by the challenges they faced as magnified by the holiday.
On a long table were platters and bowls of turkey, stuffing, pie, rolls, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberries, cookies and more.
As everyone else paraded past the table to overfill their plates, my cousin sat nearby sipping juice from a straw.
The surgery had reduced his stomach's capacity to three or four tablespoons of food. The drastic step of gastric reduction surgery compelled my cousin to radically change his eating habits. Not just that day, or the next week, or for six months, but for the rest of his life.
His could not have been an easy decision.
But after years of being overweight and trying this diet or that one, my cousin concluded that he would take the battle to a whole new level because he wanted to change his life. He wanted to get out from under the burden of obesity. He wanted more of what being overweight had denied him.
To do this, he was willing to make a tremendous sacrifice.
As he sipped his juice near the overloaded banquet table, he did not moan or whine, not even in jest, that he couldn't have turkey or dressing or pie.
No, instead I detected a faint smile on his face; a smile that seemed to convey he was OK with not finding his way to the table because he had decided to go in another direction.
I marveled a bit because right beside me was a man who was in the dramatic throes of changing his life.
I was watching it happen.
It was happening across the room, as well.
My brother has not had a hard time with alcohol. He has had a devastating time with it.
Over two decades, alcohol wormed its way into every aspect of his life. It became an extension of his personality; it became an integral part of his social affairs.
He has served some weekends in the clink, wore one of those orange vests while picking up trash along the highway, and forked out thousands of dollars in court fines, attorney fees, and charges from the state.
He is lucky to be alive. He'll tell you that.
More than a year ago, as his life began to implode around him, financially and legally, he quit drinking.
It was not the first time he had quit, but he seemed determined that it would be the last time.
I imagine holidays without alcohol for my brother must be difficult. Booze is such an accepted and pervasive tradition around most of them.
Like my cousin with the traditional Christmas spread, however, my brother has decided to go in another direction.
Not for that day, or the next week or the next month. But for the rest of his life.
That kind of commitment to personal change takes enormous strength, determination and force of will.
In these days of reality television that with shows such as "The Biggest Loser" and "Intervention" have turned battling personal demons into entertainment, it might be easy to forget that the inspiration these shows offer can more often be found right within our own circles of friends and family.
I don't need to turn on the television to watch the struggles and successes of strangers trying to change their lives.
I can witness it live.
Rather than sitting on my couch and cheering at a glowing box, I can actually engage in these battles with family and friends, offering support and encouragement.
I know personal change is possible and real because my cousin and brother have shown me it is.
Unlike the contestants in reality TV shows, when my brother and cousin succeed in transforming their lives, there will be no grand cash prize, no balloons, no guest appearances on talk shows, no speaking tours.
After all, real change isn't really a game.
Staff Writer Brian Cox can be reached at 429-7380 or bcox@heritage.com.
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